2012 / Paper Boats (part III)

 

- elizabeth de cent

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this truth is I only burnt one of the boats
guess I was still clinging onto hope
i’m just so sick of being sad though

it took a while to start feeling like myself again
to start getting out of bed
thank fuck for my friends

and we don’t go out as much as we did 
back in in 2012
we were waiting for the world to end 
might as well do it have a drink in your hand

and I’m not being melodramatic when I say we’ve been through hell
life was getting so hard and fast, we were living like maniacs

but we survived, all the drama and broken promises
karma and empty threats
the one promise that he kept

we’re still alive
though god there were times
I hoped I wouldn’t make it, through the night

but I’m glad the world didn’t end with december 2012
I know I’ll never see him again and that’s just as well
cause there’s a boy who wants to make me mixtapes
and a summer we can fill with mistakes
i’ve stopped drinking to forget, don’t wanna be that person anymore

i’ve never been as pretty as last January
before i got sad and cut off all my hair 
and I know it’s not healthy to reach for craft scissors those time I’m can’t see past the despair 

but at least i’m not feeling as numb as I was 
back in 2012
we were waiting for the world to end
seemed kinda dumb to be planning ahead

and I’m not over reacting when I say that it’s been hell
life was getting too hard too fast, we were living like maniacs
it’s for the best you weren’t around for that

but we survived ,this fucked us a life
though at the time, it was a hell of a ride

but I’m glad the world didn’t end with december 2012
I know I’ll never see him again and that’s just as well
cause there’s a boy who wants to make me mixtapes
and a summer we can fill with mistakes
i’ve stopped drinking to forget, don’t wanna be that person anymore

we’re not there yet, we’re on the road
and I know I said I’ve gotta do this alone 
I still believe that but I think that I can stop you getting cold

Virginia.

elizabeth de cent.

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https://www.facebook.com/ElizabethdeCent

TWITTER: @elizabethdecent

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A song about what it’s like to live with depression.

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Deep down 

Heavy weight 

On top of me

Spread angels in the sand

Dappled light

Everything I see

Wrinkled fingers

Empty hands

A body 

sinking 

no above no beneath

just weightlessness and water

fill my lungs

sweet relief

Deep down, down to the floor

distant cries

Man overboard 

a recovering fever

About to break

Get up now and you will  

have to fight against the waves

Just keep still, we’ll keep you safe

I wanna stay here forever 

Down Deep 

drowning

In too deep

The fabulous Human Kitten have put together this great compilation of music, including my track ‘This Is A Sinking Ship’, all of which can be yours for just $5! All songs in the compilation are written by musicians who live with mental illness, have dealt closely with individuals living with mental illness, or address mental illness as a subject matter. 100% of the proceeds go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.

"Down Under"

lying there waiting with you
surrounded by piles 
of all our organized doom

building mazes round my bedroom
so it takes you that bit longer to leave
but instead it’s got me tripping over all the debris 
use this to my advantage twist my ankle 
so you have to catch me

nothing out of the ordinary
and all of this is temporary
but i kiss you with the urgency 
of permanence and jealousy
and i wonder when we’re naked if you’re comparing her to me

find myself at night watching you sleeping
cause all these feelings got me feeling so creepy
and despite my best attempts 
i’ve turned into a cliché

setting myself up for inevitable failure
(but I hope you have a bitchin’ time in Australia)
no but seriously, it’s meant to world to me

nothing out of the ordinary
and all of this is temporary
but i kiss you with the urgency 
of permanence and jealousy
and i wonder when we’re naked if you’re comparing her to me

find myself at night watching you sleeping
cause all these feelings got me feeling so creepy
and despite my best attempts 
i started to need you